The other day I was listening to a podcast called “Dear Sugar“. The podcast was on the topic of “Moving on” and how hard it is to do so sometimes, being it moving on from a relationship, or something you did in your past you regret. We have a hard time letting go of somethings and reasons for that can be very different, depending on the time it happened in your life and the circumstances. There’s a lot of different aspects here I would love to tap into (regret, forgiveness, grief) but I need some ideas for future posts. One thing in the episode stuck with me, namely a quote one of the guest speakers mentioned a quote I had never heard before:
The person who broke you can’t be the one to fix you
It stuck with me because it seems like such sound advise. And yet at the same time, so illogical. We often think, if the person that for example left us would just come back, we would be fixed. Or if we receive the acknowledgement we think we deserve, that we will feel the comfort we needed. I often hear from my girlfriends “I hope one day he realizes just how good he had it”. Or “I just need him to apologize but he doesn’t get it”. All those things might feel nice and give us some momentary satisfaction if we do end up getting them, but that for one, won’t undo the hurt and two, in most cases will never happen. Its a beautiful gesture that would help you for a short time, but cannot undo the pain that has been caused.
So who can fix us if its not the person that caused it? The big mistake here I see in a lot of people around me is the expectation for someone else to undo the pain caused by others. We expect a partner to undo all the pain caused by failures of previous relationships. We expect our children love us enough to undo the love we didn’t get from parents. The thing is, no one can do that. And how unfair of you to expect them to do so. It is not anyone’s job to fix you, because frankly they can’t and you know they can’t. The only person who can fix you is yourself. No one knows what will help you heal, only you do and only you can give it to yourself.
Is it fair that we have to do all the work after someone else did all the damage? No. It is not. But you do have to ask yourself why you let this person in your life in the first place. Not with any judgement. Its usually due to some unhealed pain we let ourselves be hurt again. Be kind to yourself and know that you can do this. Because if you continue to live life without trying to heal, you will invite more pain into your life and probably to those around you too.
Feel free to reach out to me to start your healing journey.
Note: Title comes from a Bloc Party Song called The Pioneers