I have often in my life avoided confrontation. My first hand experience with confrontation is that is it a horribly awkward, uncomfortable thing that always leads to fights and no results. Nothing but tension comes out of confrontation. Its full of anger and hurt and instead of confronting people, I would avoid it in any means. Not that that was helpful, often I felt hurt around people and often left things unsaid, left things hanging in the air and unsolved. Then a friend told me something that changed my perception:
Confrontation gives people the chance to explain themselves and clear up the situation.
I never thought of confrontation other than something negative. I never thought of it in a way that it can help improve a relationship. Could it really be a tool to improve a relationship? I decided to change my approach and talk to people directly when I felt something needed to be said. Results have been very different so far.
First of all, it depends how you go about confronting someone. Don’t be angry, and don’t blame the other person. Rather phrase it as a question to check if you misunderstood the situation “Sorry, I just want to check, is there a reason I was not invited to the meeting” or “Did I miss a text message bout this event or..”. Make it seem like you misunderstood, give people the benefit of the doubt. People are not walking around planning to hurt or harm you. Sometimes they are just neglectful.
Second, do it in person. I’ve tried doing it via text. It was not good at all. It gave people the chance to put tones and feelings into my words that were not meant to be there. If possible, try to talk in person. It is hard to look at people and admit you are hurt. And to be honest, confronting people puts you in a vulnerable position.
Third – its not worth it confronting everybody. Only confront people that are able to understand you, have compassion and you know care about you. There is no point of confronting people you will never meet again or people who will no matter what just attack you and not accept your hurt. It is best in general to keep those people at a minimum in your life. Keep your distance. It is pointless to have people in your life that will not take your feelings, concerns and thoughts in consideration and respect them enough to be confronted.
You have a choice how you want to live your life. Don’t live it being afraid to give people the chance to clear up situations on their on behalf.